In my past few blog posts, we’ve been doing self-love check ins, creating self-affirmations for ourselves, and self-reflecting on things that we want to improve in. All of this is for us to realize who we are, our worth, and how we can work on bettering ourselves. But what does self-love mean to you? And how can you invest in yourself and make yourself a priority?
"Love yourself, girl, or nobody will." These are the wise words of the eminent J. Cole, in the song "Crooked Smile". He has a good point though, if you don't love yourself, then how can you expect someone else to love you?
My definition of self-love is knowing yourself and knowing your worth. When you know who you are as a person, and you know your value and worth, you won’t let anyone treat you like you aren’t valuable. The dictionary defines self-love as “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).” I’m not perfect, and I’m still learning how to love myself more. Learning to love yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally is a process, especially when you’re still healing from things in your past that made you question your worth.
Loving yourself is important to living a healthy life. It influences your friendships, romantic relationships, your persona in the workplace, and how you cope with the issues in your life. Self-Love is realizing that you can be beautifully flawed. No one is perfect, and we all have imperfections. Self-love starts with actions that influence our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.
It all starts with self-awareness, which is your conscious knowledge of your own character, your feelings, your motives and desires. Once you master your self-awareness, you'll be able to recognize your strengths and the things that are best for you. You will be able to focus on those aspects of your life. You will also be self-aware of your flaws and weaknesses. Deciding to accept your shortcomings and bet mainly on your strengths, will benefit you in so many ways. Seeing ourselves for who we really are is very humbling, and can be hard. Beyond the fear and the pain of accepting your flaws, lies freedom and healing, which is the first step towards the right direction.
Below are some steps that you can take to start you journey to self-love and knowing your self-worth.
1. Know Yourself, Know Your Worth
Be mindful of who you are and what you bring to the table. Treat yourself like you matter, because you do. Prove to yourself that you matter, and build your confidence. Once you know yourself and you know your worth, you can act on this knowledge, and you won’t let anyone treat you like you’re disposable.
2. Make Changes
Anything or anyone that isn’t benefiting you or serving you a purpose must be eliminated. Get rid of toxic friendships, relationships, and any burdens that are hindering your growth. Stay focused on what you need, stay strong, and move forward in life.
3. Practice Self-Care
It’s good to take care of your basic needs, and you will feel better when you do. Nourish your body, eat healthier, try exercising, get the proper amount of sleep, and engage in healthy social interactions. Also, try having a self-care day when you feel the need to. You can stay home and relax, watch your favorite Netflix series or movies, and eat your favorite meal. You can also go out and get some fresh air, take a trip to the beach, and even indulging in some retail therapy is always good. Do whatever your heart desires. Doing these things are ways you can treat yourself.
4. Set Boundaries and Protect Your Peace
Setting your boundaries and expectations is essential when it comes to friendships/relationships. You have to set your boundaries from the beginning, put your foot down and let people know what you will and will not tolerate. I've had a problem with this in the past, because I'm a really kind person, and people often took my kindness as a weakness. But then I started to get tired of compromising how I felt to accommodate someone's feelings, especially when they didn't even take how I felt into consideration. You have to be upfront with people, and let them know if you don't like something and if they mistreat you. Let them know that you are NOT the one to be played with. Build mutually clear expectations with others, unrealistic expectations will lead to disappointment. Bring the right people into your life, and surround yourself with positive people. Make sure these people have a big heart like you do, and they appreciate what you do for them and reciprocate these actions. Have friends that support you and care about your emotional well-being. Only get involved in healthy romantic relationships, give your energy and time to someone who cares about your mental health, someone who will love you unconditionally, and someone who will respect you and won’t make you feel like you’re worthless.You’ll feel way better when you start saying no to things that diminish or hurt you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
5. Teach People How To Treat You
What you allow will continue. If someone is constantly using you and disrespecting you, then they will be under the impression that you don't know your worth and your value, and they will continue to mistreat you, because you're allowing it. You are a prize and you have to be earned, don't give your time and energy to people who aren't deserving. Know your worth and then add tax. You have to be selective of who you give your time to, it's okay to be picky. You only deal with people who respect you, appreciate you, know your worth, and reciprocate your energy.
6. Heal and Forgive Yourself
It’s going to take some time, trust me, I know. But we can sometimes be hard on ourselves, don’t punish yourself for the mistakes you have made. Learn from those mistakes and grow, there’s a blessing in every lesson.
VIDEO:
"How to: Level Up (Mentally)"by Breeny Lee
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